I want to talk about self worth, and how alcohol and alcohol addiction has the ability to totally strip this away from a person.
I’ll speak from my personal experience.
I became addicted to alcohol in my early 20s, a time when most people’s confidence is sub-par and they have a lot of self-development and growth to experience still.
Because I developed this dependance at such a young age – finding myself numbed out on an alcohol buzz on a daily basis – I hardly had a chance to learn who I was, who I wasn’t and hence, claim my worth, my truth and my power as a woman and a human being with value and things to offer in this life.
So on went a decade of me living my life from an essentially “worthless” place because of the alcohol trap I found myself in… and it really is a trap which is why it’s so hard for many people to escape it. You see, everything is energy and alcohol addiction keeps you in a “low vibrational” place (more on this in just a bit).
What this sense of worthlessness meant is that in nearly all of my interactions, I was automatically subordinate to the other, and this was especially true with the men in my life. I automatically assumed everyone was smarter than me, that anything I said wasn’t worth saying and that I wasn’t worth the space I took up on this earth. Most days I was just counting the minutes until I could drink again in order to numb this awful feeling.
You see, growing up as one of five kids with an alcoholic father who had his own burden to bear and wounds to heal, there wasn’t much opportunity for father-daughter bonding and pep talks on how to be an empowered woman in the world. And my mom – though one of the most loving people I know – was also consumed with her own personal baggage and there wasn’t ever space to nurture my development and self-worth.
So, I found myself in my 20s totally lost, addicted to alcohol and abusing it (along with some other drugs) just to escape the worthlessness I felt. And of course, the addiction to alcohol perpetuated the worthlessness like fuel on the fire.
I’m inserting a chart known as the “Scales of Consciousness” from a book by Dr David Hawkins called, “Power vs Force” which shows the various calibrations of different energies. I find it very fascinating. I have inserted two points for "90 - alcohol dependency" and "350 -recovery from addiction."
Alcohol dependency vibrates at a 90 which is just slightly above grief and just below fear. So when I was abusing alcohol daily, I was literally energetically trapped in fear. It’s no wonder I couldn’t get out and learn my worth as a human being, that is until I escaped the trap with The Sinclair Method.
As I got started on naltrexone treatment for my alcohol addiction using The Sinclair Method (TSM), the first thing I noticed was a sense of empowerment in myself.
Because the method works to eliminate alcohol cravings, within the first month I started to feel empowered in my relationship to alcohol – as in, I was claiming my power back over the substance. I was starting to get out of the trap!
Before TSM, I had no control over alcohol, even when I was sober. I mentally obsessed on it daily – either about how I was going to stay sober that day, when I would be able to drink again, or, when I was drinking – only thinking about the next drink.
So when this treatment started to work for me, and I noticed myself thinking about it less, and drinking it less – it was as if I had the control back.
This was in August of 2017 – so over 2 years ago now. And this feeling of empowerment has spread across all areas of my life and continues to do so. I started to surprise myself by speaking up more in work and personal situations, feeling confident in sharing my opinions and leaving a job I hated even though I didn’t have plans for another one (yet of course, everything worked out perfectly).
I began to value my time more and do things I wanted to do verses just what others expected of me, I started saying “no” more often to people and having a sense of peace and groundedness in the truth of who I was. Knowing that my truth is for me and no one else, and it doesn’t matter if someone disagrees because again, it was my truth.
On the Scale of Consciousness, “recovery from alcohol addiction” vibrates at a 350 which is at “acceptance” and interestingly enough the same vibration as the “high” achieved through alcohol and drugs. And from here you move up to reason, love, joy, peace and enlightenment.
Going up the scale from alcohol dependence or “fear” you pass through the higher vibrational emotions such as anger, courage and willingness. For me, I definitely feel like these past couple of years have been stepping stones toward claiming the worth I feel now. There was a lot of anger in me I had to process which I had used alcohol to numb for ten years. I had to find courage to stand up for myself when I never had before – and the willingness to go after my growth no matter how hard it was sometimes (and still is).
So to me, for alcohol recovery to be at a vibration of acceptance meant many things, one of which was true acceptance of myself. With all my flaws, all my regrets and mistakes. By getting out of the fearful trap of alcohol addiction, I was for the first time in my adult life truly able to unconditionally accept myself and realize that I had value simply because I was alive. I didn’t have to do anything to be worthy, I am worthy, period.
Going up the scale
While I was addicted to alcohol, I rarely felt feelings of joy and peace. If I did they were fast fleeting and it was as if I was afraid to feel them… as if it made me too vulnerable to experience such an innocent, pure emotion. I had always wondered why this was, and now I understand more through this Scales of Consciousness work.
Energetically, it was impossible for me to vibrate at the feelings of joy or peace when I was stuck in alcohol dependency everyday for ten years.
And now, I feel joyful and at peace on a regular basis. And what’s been so surprising is that the smallest things can trigger the most profound joy in me. For example, there’s a big tree outside my window where hummer birds frequent, and whenever I’m lucky enough to see them, I stop in my tracks and marvel at their beauty, delicacy and wonder. This makes my heart so full to see this simple act of nature. I know this is something I was completely oblivious to when I was drinking heavily.
I was numb to simple pleasures and simple beauties. Now, I see them everywhere.
Alcohol addiction is truly a trap. It keeps you stuck in fear and the only way out is to escape the trap. And the trap for me existed so much in my mind and the obsession with alcohol. As I mentioned above, before TSM even when I was sober I was still obsessing on alcohol… I was still very much in the trap. But thanks to the amazing work by Dr David Sinclair, and the naltrexone treatment, I am truly freed from the trap, for good, and never going back.